One day at the park there was an event at the amphitheater. A small crowd gathered out on the grassy slope and a line of busy food trucks hugged the perimeter. I could hear the music as I approached the scene. No where to run to baby, nowhere to hide…I was curious but hesitant to walk by and have a look. To my mind, this was something organized for other people, not me. I decided to slip away into the woods down a solitary path.

God spoke to me in my spirit. He told me that I belong. Simply, I belong. Because of the sacrifice Jesus made on the cross for me I have an all-inclusive passport to life. I may not be invited to every event and there are places my Lord doesn’t want me to go but in the great scheme of Creation, as a child of God, I belong.

I tried to imagine all my life could be if I held fast to this truth. I believe I allow my feelings to interfere with this. Feelings of inferiority, control, shame, apathy—any of these and more! The bottom line is that when I am walking in who God made me to be, lifting Him to the place where He should be in my life, my feelings can take a back seat and I can embody my sacred place as a child of the Most High God. Which means I am called to stand in the midst of a public park and this beautiful life God gave me with overflowing love, peace, joy and the assurance that I belong.

But you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, God’s special possession, that you may declare the praises of him who called you out of darkness into his wonderful light.  1 Peter 2:9

I showed up at the park to meet with God every day for a year. I didn’t wear anything in particular, I didn’t say any certain words, I wasn’t always chipper or fresh as a daisy upon my arrival. In fact, I walked for over a week with bronchitis, one of those days moaning in agony each step of the way. Still I was willing and eager to be with Him, praise Him and behold the world He created for me.

When I am willing to present and humble myself before The Creator of the Universe, He responds. Why wouldn’t He? What is more important than having a relationship with His child? If my children came to me each day with the willingness to be cherished and embraced, it would be the pleasure of my day. It would be my delight to love them, shepherd them and bless them in every conceivable way!

For if the willingness is there, the gift is acceptable according to what one has, not according to what he does not have.  2 Corinthians 8:12

There was a time I told God what I needed from Him in long written pages of prayer. I have a notebook filled with instructions I gave to The Creator of the Universe.

Later I learned that The Creator of the Universe knows exactly what He is doing, even when it comes to me. He knows the very best way for me to go, He knows exactly what He wants for my life, and He knows how to lead me there. I wonder what else I could possibly need.

Whatever God wants for me is my highest good. He loves me like no other. There is no path that compares with the one God has for me. My job is to acknowledge that every day, every moment. It may be rocky or steep or rainy yet it is perfect if He is guiding me through it. The destination will be as well, though rarely what I had expected or aimed for. It is beyond my imagination what God will do in my life if I let Him.

When I used to give my daily orders, I could not be at rest until I saw in my life exactly what I had demanded. Now when I pray and leave the outcome to Him, I can feel peace in that very moment and delight in the curiosity of what blessing He will bring to me.

Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in         Christ Jesus.  Philippians 4:6-7

In my year with God at the park, I walked through heat and humidity, snow, below-freezing temperatures, gentle mist, ice, three nor-easters, and wind that flipped my umbrella inside out. The weather was different each day but there was something to be loved in all of it. On some bitter cold walks, though, I did savor the thought of sun on my bare arms, for I had no doubt that spring was coming.

That is the way of God’s seasons. Like Friday at the end of a hard week, each one arrives as a welcome relief to the one before it and brings with it a new gift. A toe dipping into a deep blue lake. The first orangey sassafras leaf dropping onto my green lawn, an invitation to all the rest. A great sycamore skeleton pointing at the flat, white sky. A young bird finding its balance on a budding dogwood. Seasons and storms begin and end, both bringing fresh wind from places we have never been.

Storms are part of the ecosystem of my life. So I batten down the hatches. Dry my clothes by the fire. Pray. Bring in the dog. Gather at the table for board games. Make hot chocolate, the homemade kind. And step out on the porch often to find the silver lining. It will be there. That’s how it works.

He still the storm to a whisper; the waves of the sea were hushed. They were glad when it grew calm, and he guided them to their desired haven.                              Psalm 107:29-30

When the days are swimming along easily and my worries are few, I may grow more confident in my own power and lean less on His. “Carefree” can turn into “careless” and soon I’ve lost the awareness of how essential God is in every moment of every day.

Though I still love God and know His truths, I may reach out to Him less, fail to worship Him and cease to feel the Holy Spirit’s gentle nudging within my spirit. How quickly I can forget that I need God in every breath, for everything.

Then is it any wonder that I wind up in an uncomfortable place, on my knees, asking for forgiveness, begging for clarity and council, wanting God to help me make sense of the mess?

God meets me right there, again and again. My loving Father has great understanding and welcomes me back into His arms. He tells me how to stay safely there and I listen once more.

It is good for me that I was afflicted, that I might learn your statutes. The law of your mouth is better than thousands of gold and silver pieces.                              Psalm 119:71-72

I stepped out of my car one morning at the park and heard the loud, fretful meowing of a cat. The sound seemed to be coming from a far-off tree, but all I could see was a frantic squirrel running circles around the trunk. Is that squirrel meowing like a cat?!

Soon I could see a cat, perched high on a branch, looking desperate. I stood under the tree and asked the orange one what he was doing up there. To my surprise, he sprung into the air toward me, as if my words unlocked his courage to jump. How long would he have stayed cornered by the angry squirrel, if I hadn’t been curious to investigate his bawling?

It is my delight to hear my Creator and be aligned with His plan, but how do I always know it is He who is speaking to me? God answered me in my spirit.  When I am not sure of the voice I hear or the move I should make, I keep walking along with God, wait in faith and God will lead me to the place where it becomes clear. I may see or hear confusing things along the way, but I keep trust in Him, His purpose and plan will come into perfect view.

Beloved, do not believe every spirit, but test the spirits to see whether they are from God, for many false prophets have gone out into the world.     1 John 4:1

Here is what I know about God.  He can do anything and everything.  Here is what I know about me.  Sometimes I want a miracle.   There was a time I prayed for a miracle for seven years, but God just didn’t seem to be working on it.  What I found at the end of those seven years was that He was working on me.  Then I received my miracle.

When I believe my prayers align perfectly with God’s will and yet nothing seems to be happening, I ask myself a question:  Is there something you believe God wants you to do in this situation?  Often the answer to my question pops right into my head.  Yes, of course, he’d want me to do this or that!  But I don’t want to!  Or, that’s impossible!  Or, it would be so much easier for everyone if God just provided that miracle!  Easy answers don’t provide spiritual growth.  God wants me to grow in His love.

My Father is so good.  He knows how important it is for me to become eager to do His will.  When I humble myself and act in accordance to His guidance, He blesses my effort.  When I am walking alongside Him, my hand in His, my trust in Him and my life given to Him, I am like a loving child abiding with her parents, longing to please them.  And she is blessed even more.

But the one who looks into the perfect law, the law of liberty, and perseveres, being no hearer who forgets but a doer who acts, he will be blessed in his doing.        James 1:23-25

I like being alone.  On these walks I have the best of both worlds—alone and with God.  Isn’t it funny that some would rather be surrounded by a gaggle of humans than have quiet moments with the Almighty God of the Universe?  

When I spend time with God, He warms me in His radiance.   My every cell is filled by His presence, replete with a holy Yes!  I focus on God’s love and magnificence instead of dwelling on the things I feel are missing from my life.  And I am blessed.  I am missing nothing.  Everything is here.

Loneliness can feel like I am being left out of important relationships, but there is none as important as my relationship with God.  And God’s presence can reach me anywhere! Like filaments of golden lifelines shining through a dark woods, God’s love finds me and in that divine moment nothing else matters.  

I am with you always, even to the end of the age. Matthew 28:20

I go through lags of depression that steal my essence. Chaotic upheaval, like cups of salty water, can choke my throat and drown my breath.  I’ve gotten lost in seasons of darkness and somehow abandoned my relationship with God.  I don’t stop loving Him or believing in all that He is.  I just fall away like a petal off a flower, watching my source grow blurry as I silently drop, unable to hold on to that intimate, vital love.

I must stay near to my Father through the worst times. I know that when I crawl into His healing arms He will provide a single, gentle step. If I take His offer, He will provide another.  Along the way, I must be honest, painfully so, about my thoughts and feelings.  I will share with God every detail of hurt, the shame of my sins, each scorching coal of anger, the bruising emotion. 

He already knows the things I will tell Him, of course.  The vital part is my willingness to share them with Him. When I reach out and pass the exact nature of my distress to my Father, my hand touches His and it is no longer my suffering, but ours.

I surrender the ache, the fear, the torment.  God receives it.  I will never know how or when His cure will find me.  I just know that it will. God’s plan for me is always a sweet return to His love, peace and strength.  It begins here and now. I know there will come a day when I am filled again. 

Even when I walk through the dark valley of death, I will not be afraid, for you are close beside me.   Your rod and your staff protect and comfort me.  Psalm 23:1-4

God’s words are precious.  He speaks to me words of truth that heal my soul like nothing else can.  Sometimes I get diverted and spend a lot of time listening to what those around me say.  I begin to absorb their opinions, their beliefs, their plans, their desires, their expectations, their frustrations.  When I attune my ears to others’ voices, I can become confused and lose myself, the extraordinary person God made me to be.  I fail to know God fully when I don’t embrace and honor His word before all others. 

Coming to know God is the most important thing I can do in my life.  I will seek Him.  I will attune my ears to His word and my mind to His truth.  

 Am I now trying to win the approval of men, or of God? Or am I trying to please men? If I were still trying to please men, I would not be a servant of Christ.          Galations 1:10