I lost a pregnancy once. I was due on my son’s second birthday but I miscarried at the end of the first trimester. The birth of my first child had been a triumph to me. I just wasn’t expecting this. It was a very lonely, confusing day.

The people who loved me didn’t understand that this was a hard day for me. They said they couldn’t leave work. They said this type of thing happens all the time and was no big deal. They said I was so attached to my first child that my body rejected the second. One friend said, “Wow, I wonder why this would happen to you. It’s not like you ever murdered anyone.” I began to think my sadness and disappointment was wrong because I was looking to others for help and compassion and found none.

After that first day a few came to embrace me. Their tenderness showed me how I might do the same for others some day. Sometimes it is difficult to be as compassionate as others need me to be—or even as I desire to be. During my walks I have felt great empathy and gentleness from my Lord. He is the source. I need search no longer. I bring my brokenness to God. He provides His loving kindness, His loving embrace, His loving people. And He heals me. I pray that I may also bring His compassion to others.

Eight months along with my second son, I was very sick with the flu.  Holed up in my bed, I coughed until my sides were bruised and. with my large belly, could find no comfortable way to rest. My friend Mary was a day or so ahead of me with the same virus. I called her daily, praying she would tell me it was almost over.

When I surfaced from the scourge, it was time for an appointment with my midwife. I had just enough strength to buckle in my 4 year old and drive over the bridge to Philadelphia. Parking was a challenge. For prior appointments I either circled the block until a spot opened or I drove directly to the parking garage and navigated that maze of floors, cars, elevators and stairs and the subsequent hike to her office.

This day I chose the garage, I didn’t have the stamina to search for a spot.  As I waited in heavy traffic right in front of the midwife’s office, I glanced over and saw two beautiful ladies walking toward me, enjoying soft pretzels.  One of them caught my eye. She was waving. At me? Yes. She was saying something. To me? Yes! I rolled down my window and the winter air poured in with her sweet voice. “Do you want my spot?” She was pointing at the car beside me. “But how can I? I’m blocking you.” “We’ll wait for you,” she said. “Go around the block!” I did, wondering if I was in a fever induced hallucination.  When I came up behind them in the line of traffic, sure enough, they pulled out and seamlessly, I pulled into their spot.

We had only a few steps to the office.  I looked down at my son as we walked hand in hand, “Seth, those women were angels.”  “They couldn’t be, Mom.  Angels have wings.”  God can do anything.

See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the desert and streams in the wasteland.  Isaiah 43:19

We used to make puzzles on our dining room table over Christmas break. We’d dump the load of pieces, turn them all over to show the myriad of colors and designs and enjoy the hours, searching and finding just the right one to fit in just the right place. Of course, we used the picture on the box as a guide, otherwise the process would be grueling.

Sometimes I find myself puzzled, staring at the same few pieces of my life wondering how they fit. If I could only make sense of them, get them in the right position, figure out how to use them in the best way. But often all I see are dead ends, collapsed bridges, gnarled paths and no way to connect. The problem is I cannot see the whole picture, there is no sample to follow, no box that neatly holds all the pieces.

But God. God sees the picture He wants me to follow. He knows the way the pieces will fit together just so. He assembles one corner of the picture so that when I build with Him in faith, I can reach that place, connect and make sense of it all.

My life does not have to be puzzling. I do not have to figure it all out alone. I can trust my life to the One who sees the big picture.  He will help me create it.

Many are the plans in the mind of a man, but it is the purpose of the Lord that will stand. Proverbs 19:21

When a shepherd boy named David stepped forward to kill the giant Goliath, no one, including his brothers, believed he could do it. He did, in the name of his Lord Almighty, with a single stone from a sling. Nobody saw that coming. They had told him to go home and watch his sheep.

God Himself called David a man after His own heart but David was not perfect. In fact, after God made him king he disobeyed God, committed adultery with Bathsheba and had her husband Uriah killed.

David’s sins were not without consequences but the fact remained: God loved David. Jesus would be born to David’s lineage. David would play instruments and write psalms to God. And David loved God.

God doesn’t see things like we do. We see the obvious, God knows what’s hidden. We see the plain, God knows the intricacies. We see what serves us, God sees what serves Him. We see a face, God sees a heart.

When Jesus returned to synagogue in his birth place, Nazareth, they rejected Him and threatened to throw Him off a cliff. We see the familiar. God sees the truth.

But the Lord said to Samuel, “Do not look on his appearance or on the height of his stature, because I have rejected him. For the Lord sees not as man sees: man looks on the outward appearance, but the Lord looks on the heart.” 1 Samuel 16:7

I live in the most densely populated state in the U.S. Driving on our highways can be intense. Occasionally I will hear the roar of a motorcycle or two flying up behind me through heavy traffic and I instantly pray. Sometimes they’re doing wheelies, sometimes they’re weaving through the 70 miles per hour traffic as if our cars are images on a video screen and they’re operating the joystick. All I know is they seem to be having the time of their lives. What if one car makes a single careless move? Their game and their lives would be over.

I know that God wants me to enjoy my life but His word tells me that He will satisfy my desires with good things. When I throw caution to the wind I am not waiting for His good things, I am not remaining in faith. I need to cling to God even when everything seems to be moving along perfectly. These are the times I can be swayed into thinking that I don’t need Him, that I have everything under control. When I think, “If everything could just stay like this forever, this would be perfect,” like the guys on the motorcycles, I am deceiving myself.

I need God every step of the way. I am not the one in control. He knows what’s up ahead and He wants me to travel closely and joyfully by His side.

Seek the Lord and His Strength. Seek His presence continually!                                       1 Chronicles 16:11

One chilly morning I noticed the squirrels at work. One put two brown leaves in her mouth. She zipped up a tree, disappearing into a hole, preparing her nest for winter. There was another squirrel doing the same, only this one had stuffed her mouth with leaves, too many to count. She climbed up several feet, stopped to adjust her bounty, climbed up another few feet, arranged the load again. It took her quite a while to reach her nest, she had taken too many. I saw God’s love for me in those squirrels.

God provides a superabundance of bedding for squirrels for winter. He will provide for me.

God’s provision and plenty is all around me, ready for the taking. Why would I want to burden myself gathering excess?

God provides but he may not deliver. I haven’t seen any squirrels reclining on park benches praying for their dream tree hole nest. There are things I can do to improve my situation. I can do my very best with what God has given me.

Finally, trees let go of leaves to prepare for a new season. They’re not afraid to let go. They know they are part of God’s plan. God plan is in those leaves, those tree holes, the busy squirrels and in me.  I can let go and let Him reveal His perfect plan to me.

Jesus said to her, “Did I not say to you that if you believe, you will see the glory of God?” John 11:40-44

I bought my car a bracelet. Actually I bought it for myself but I slipped it over the gear shift once and it looked so nice on her, I decided she should have it. It has 31 now sun-bleached beads, resembling small beans, strung on a long spiral wire. Occasionally I take it with me on my walks and run my fingers along each smooth orb, saying my blessings.

Some days are heavy. They seem to arise that way, with burdens creeping upon me before even the coffee is dripping or my teeth are brushed. I drive to my park with hitchhikers: cares, worries, pains and distractions. These are especially the days when I need to have gratitude—to send bouquets and bouquets of pink roses up through the clouds, my personal way of sending heart-felt praises and thanks to my Father.

Yes, these are especially the days. God’s word tells me to rejoice through trying times. Rejoice always, for God is my God and He is good. All the time.

….27, my precious mom and dad…28, Your perfect love for me…29, that blue heron tip-toeing in the still pond…30, Your son Jesus Christ…31, Madison and Allison…1, the cool rain…

 

Give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.          1 Thessalonians 5:18

It is vital for me to notice and acknowledge every time God provides a way through my fears. Every time, no matter how small. This builds my courage so I might be courageous for His purpose when He calls for me.

I dreaded going to a party only to be instantly greeted by a friendly face the moment I stepped in. I was anxious about a speaking engagement and an old friend surprised me at the door, bolstering my confidence. I was confused by a medical condition and an acquaintance happened to mention the perfect doctor. I struggled with doubts and that morning’s sermon was the explicit answer. Once, in the dog park, my eyes discovered an escape route, a small path through the woods, that was there all along, just in case.  Each of these times I smiled, knowing God had provided.

It’s ok to pray about each and every fear, no matter how seemingly trivial. Fear itself is not trivial. Fear is a withdrawal from God. I enjoy giving my fears to Him and watching in faith to see the way He provides. Sometimes it is a removal of fear and sometimes it is encouragement despite it, His presence warming me through it.

I sought the Lord, and he answered me; he delivered me from all my fears.      Psalm 34:4

When I came across O.C in my walks, I would share about him to my friends. The resounding response was a plea for me to adopt and care for him. We cannot have cats because of allergies in our family, but despite that, O.C. had absolutely no interest in hopping into my arms and making a new life with me. I left food for him a couple times, I opened my car door and invited him in, I let him nuzzle my ankles but he seemed to want nothing more than the desolate life of wandering, meowing loudly and scratching people.

Everyone can see when someone else is lost, but sometimes that is lost on the one who is. Ironically, someone crying over an orphaned cat may not even realize how grieved their Father is, waiting for them to come home. He wants them home.

Like the shepherd who counts his sheep and finds one missing, God knows when one of His fold is lost. He waits only to hear the cry, “God, I am lost. Please help me. Lord, I need you.” And then he is lost no more because God hears, God has mercy, God rescues, God saves. There is never a shepherd who hears his sheep calling from the darkness and does not carry his light to that lost one and guide him back to his loving care.

“Because he loves me,” says the Lord, “I will rescue him; I will protect him, for he acknowledges my name. He will call on me, and I will answer him; I will be with him in trouble, I will deliver and honor him.” Psalm 91:14-15

Hide ’n Seek is an interesting game. All but one person, who’s “It”, hide and stay silent while the It counts to 100. When the It is done counting, he goes looking for the hiders. When he finds one, he announces that this person is now “It” and all the rest can come out from their hiding places to begin again.

Sometimes I hide from God. I know He is looking for me but I remain quiet and do not wish to be found. Then someone in my life gets found and comes out from hiding. Perhaps they begin a Bible study and invite me, or read a book and share it with me, or perhaps they’ve just seen a great light at the end of a dark night of their soul and long to tell me about their journey. Perhaps one of these things happens and they call to me to come out from my hiding place and join them in gathering around God once more.

Why was I hiding in the first place? How could I think that stepping out of God’s radiant light could lead to anything but loss and confusion? Maybe I wanted to be pursued. Maybe I wanted to be missed or longed for. But meanwhile, I long for God, yearn for His eyes to fall upon me, for His hand to reach out and lift me from my hovel. God is It. He is always It.

Can a man hide himself in hiding places so I do not see him?” declares the LORD “Do I not fill the heavens and the earth?” declares the LORD.  Jeremiah 23:24