I am sitting on a stool in my office window. It is a two foot wide ledge between two closets where I prefer to write, perched in a cubby. My view is my sweet front porch and the construction site across the street, four new houses for my new neighbors. There is a makeshift bird feeder on my porch wall, an old fireplace screen with votive cup holders. I moved it to the porch this summer and instead of candles, I fill the little cups with birdseed so the cardinals and sparrows can perch along with me.

There is more. My youngest is playing Bach Prelude No. 1 on the piano in the next room, a piece my mother taught him yesterday, and we just shared a fresh corn and tomato omelet with provolone cheese and tiny bits of onions. Then, out of the blue, my friend Patty from the old Bible study stopped by to grace me with even more vegetables from her overflowing garden.  These are golden moments, tiny bits of great blessing.

Just from this spot in the world, I could list hundreds of blessings, things, people, memories and opportunities for more. All around me and beyond, the world is full of God’s blessings. Absolutely full. Enough for a lifetime of abounding in the abundance. It would be just as easy for my fingers to type about some things I don’t like right here at this same window. But why? Why perceive lack when I can behold blessings and consider the Source?

And God is able to bless you abundantly, so that in all things at all times, having all that you need, you will abound in every good work. 2 Corinthians 9:8

Now you are Christ’s body, and individually members of it. 1 Corinthians 12:12.

As one or just one? I struggle with the two. Society, organizations, church—they have a structure, a system, a framework. I am not always sure how I fit into those things, or if I want to. I deeply sense the losses that inevitably occur when I relinquish my individuality to a group and tend to weigh those heavily against the gains.

Sometimes I have wondered how any worship could be better than being alone with God, acknowledging His creation, feeling gratitude, humming a song of praise, smiling with Him. I can focus, let go and, finally feel as one—with Him. But the Bible tells me that I need also to meet with others, the “body” of Christ, to worship Him, work together to His glory and encourage one another.  This, I finally understand.

As I have come to know who God is and who I am in Him, I see that He has given me, like every one of His children, strengths and also weaknesses. I share the gifts God gave me with gentleness and love. I receive others’ gifts with humility and grace. The Holy Spirit works in us, blending and uniting us into a greater whole. Any “losses” are opportunities for a sweeter gain, as I acknowledge the Source of it all—not me, not mine, but Him and His. As one, in Christ, is where my spirit fits.

And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds,  not giving up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging one another—and all the more as you see the Day approaching. Hebrews 10:24-25

It may be hard to believe, but I did not see a cross when I took this photograph. I was drawn off the path and down the snowy bank by the striking black cracks in the smokey gray ice. Securing a foothold at the edge, I snapped a few photos of the cracks and then looked down at my cell phone. Right there in the midst of all the wounds, there was the cure.

I live in a sinful, broken world but I don’t have to live in affliction. I may sin, I may break, but I don’t need to live in sin and brokenness. I don’t need to veer off the good path God has for me to stand and stare at the cracks, to dwell there and breathe it.

God wants me to look at His goodness and strength in my life. He provided a cure, a savior. Jesus hung on the cross and died in my stead so I could be reconciled to God, so God would see His holiness instead of my sinfulness. It is finished. The tomb is empty. Possibilities and healing overflow! I embrace the cross, the work He did there for me.

I don’t always see God in the middle of my brokenness. It may take a me while, and sometimes a slippery journey, to end up face to face with the One who heals me. Looking always to Christ and His good work reveals to me health instead of sickness, wholeness instead of brokenness and light in the darkness.

No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. Romans 8:37

When I love someone I am eager to share with them all the things that are meaningful to me. I have heard the question posed: Who is the person you save things up to tell? That’s the one you love.
This year that One, first and foremost, has been God. I save up my pleasures, joys, gratitude and pains to share with Him. He listens, and speaks to me through the Holy Spirit. I have been learning to listen and what I hear, in so many ways, is “I love you, Jennie.”

How does He love me? God sent His son, Jesus, to die for me. In my sin, in this broken world, I needed a savior. For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him. John 3:16-17

That is how He loves me. He was willing to die for me, so I could be drawn to Him, to be freely and abundantly loved by Him and to spend eternity with Him. And in the meantime, He walks with me in the park. He died for me, He walks with me, He loves me.

Yes I have loved you with an everlasting love; therefore with lovingkindness I have drawn you. Jeremiah 31:3

One day on my walk I was thinking about a time of grief I had with one of my sons. Though I have healed from it greatly, I will probably never forget the depth of that terrific pain. All at once, in a curious, unguarded moment, I offered a question to God. “Lord, what has grieved You most about my life?” I heard the answer immediately in my spirit: the times you walked in darkness alone.

It brings tears to my eyes now as I write the words. Now I know I was not alone, He was with me. He knew, He was watching. But then, believing I was alone, I certainly was.

In my poetry, I have described myself in those dark times as naked, dry bones, freezing in the coldness of a world I couldn’t seem to grasp. The more I looked to the world or to people who didn’t have warmth to give me, the more my bones ran.

One night years ago, my bones took a walk on the streets of my town. In that darkness, God reached a loving hand down past the faint stars and I took it. When I did, I knew instantly there is no hand like His. There is no warmth like His. Only He can bring comfort and sense to the uncomfortable and senseless.  Hold on.  Look to His mercy.  Look to His heart.

You, Lord, are forgiving and good, abounding in love to all who call to you.     Psalm 86:5

Babies have a lot of accessories. When I think back to the years I had my babies, I am amazed at all of the things I bought to facilitate their little lives. Just transporting them from here to there took umbrella strollers, carriages, jogging strollers, backpacks, slings, wagons and car seats. I thought I needed it all, I loved having my babies close to me.

I can get caught up in acquiring the next exciting thing that comes down the line. I may wonder how I ever lived without it, or maybe it’s just pretty and I have to have it. Often though, the thing ends up unused, cluttering my life and when I see it, it irks me to think I put my expectation on something that let me down.

Did “it” let me down or did I let me down? Yes and yes. Is there anything I can put hope and confidence in that won’t let me down? Yes. I can put my hope and confidence in God. He does not fail. He provides. He carries me. He fulfills my dreams in His perfect way. He takes me to places my expectations could never envision and meets my needs in the most suitable ways. He can take me everywhere I need to go.

Keep your lives free from the love of money and be content with what you have, because God has said,“Never will I leave you never will I forsake you.”         Hebrews 13:5

Psalms are sacred songs. David is said to have written most of the 150 Psalms in the Bible, including songs of praise, thanksgiving, lament, royalty and more. Psalm 51, one of the seven “penitential psalms,” gives voice to the heartache he suffered for his sin.

While David was king, he arranged for Uriah the Hittite to be killed so he could continue an adulterous relationship with his wife, Bathsheba. David was “beloved” and “a man after God’s own heart” and he had been given the gift of the Holy Spirit which dwelled in him his whole life. He loved God and knew he had sinned against God. His sorrow overflowed.

David begged for forgiveness and blamed no one but himself. He asked God to create in him a clean heart and renew a steadfast spirit within him. He longed to be filled with His joy and goodness again. David had fought off a giant with God, he knew where to turn and for whom to wait and trust with his heart.

God wants to restore my heart. He wants me close to Him. With my heart restored and His spirit within, my relationship with Him is where He wants it. My will is His, my love is His, my life is His and only His.  Restore my heart, Lord.

Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me.
Do not cast me away from Your presence and do not take Your Holy Spirit from me. Restore to me the joy of Your salvation and sustain me with a willing spirit.    Psalm 51:10-12

There is a bench behind the pond. It backs up to the edge of the woods and faces the mossy bank where koi gather and turtles prefer to sun themselves in the afternoon. As I walk around the soft trail, I peer over to see if the bench is occupied. It never is and I am always surprised. Who wouldn’t want to sit on that bench and be with God and His creation for a while?

I tread along quietly but the frogs know. They spring into the water as I pass, sometimes blurting a fearful, “creeak,” their watery plops making an impromptu melodic scale.  Plip…pleep…plott…plut…blup…. Occasionally I’ll hear a long “shhhh” in the grass and then an awkward splash. That’s when I know I’ve disturbed a snake, waiting to feast on one of those musical frogs.

This bench is a place of centering and peace for me. I watch the sun shimmer in the pond and turtles make dusty trails in the brown water as they hurry away. I’ve been audience to a bride posing for photos on the other bank and a mom posing a little one with a “2” balloon at the gazebo on her special day. I’ve listened to a catbird on a branch above me sing a song I wish I knew and I’ve been drawn to the pond, frozen and snowy, and walked away on it with awe. God is there and there and there. He is in all of it. I am grateful. I just want to be there on that bench with Him and His world and receive.

He says, “Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth. The Lord Almighty is with us; the God of Jacob is our fortress. Psalm 46:10-11

Some of my biggest regrets are moments I did not move to help someone when I felt a strong yearning to do so. Instead of acting on what my heart longed to do, I sat frozen in doubt and did nothing.

One night I was waiting in the ER, I don’t remember now with whom or why, but I do remember the moment a woman made her way in the door and asked for help.  I couldn’t hear what she said but she appeared to be in shock. An orderly gave her a wheelchair and left her in the middle of the floor, between the desk and a line of small examination rooms. Her chair was facing me directly and I couldn’t take my eyes off her.

All of a sudden she began bleeding so profusely that blood was running down over her seat and dripping onto the floor, creating puddles around her chair. She sat in a trance, alone, no one even noticing her. She was having a miscarriage. I recognized that dream state of “this can’t be happening” on her face and I ached to run to her. I knew she needed a loving hand on her shoulder as her hopes poured into hopelessness.

I didn’t go. In that moment, I needed help too. I needed to know God’s heart, to know that He was asking me to be His arms, His loving eyes and His hands for this child of His.  I wish I could apologize to her some day, embrace her and tell her that she wasn’t alone.

Do not neglect to do good and to share what you have, for such sacrifices are pleasing to God.  Hebrews 13:16

She stepped out over the water, her hair blowing in the crisp December air. She boldly surrendered her dilemma to her God, seeking His perfect answer. He lovingly responded in her spirit. She didn’t like that option. A few days later, she stepped out over the water, her hair blowing in the damp air. She boldly surrendered her dilemma to her God, seeking His perfect answer…

When I think of God’s word and answers as options, like I have equal choices in all things, then I can be sure I am insisting on my own will and need to look deeper to see where I am going wrong. Why would I avoid acting in accordance to God’s perfect plan? I believe that He is omniscient and loves me purely and perfectly. Why wouldn’t I always, with humility and joy, take His hand and follow, knowing I was headed in His—the right—direction?

Whenever I am not heeding the Lord’s counsel, it helps me to trace it back, ask myself what is standing in the way. Am I afraid? Yes, I am often afraid that I will experience discomfort in following God’s direction. But when I do acquiesce to His way, what is dwelling there along with that discomfort? Him! He is there, I mustn’t forget! He will hold me and take me lovingly through to the place of understanding and good-standing.  Being in His will and pleasing Him is where I want to be, if only I will listen to Him.

Let the wise hear and increase in learning, and the one who understands obtain guidance. Proverbs 1:5