Some twenty years ago I had an experience that taught me about putting God first. I complimented a man at church for his vocal performance and was taken aback by his response. He promptly refused to receive the credit I gave him and gave it to God. But you were willing to stand up there and use your gift, I said. As I walked away, something inside felt very wrong. Did I really just attempt to wrestle praise and glory away from God?

Early on in the development of my faith, I felt nervous and awkward. I saw myself as alone, trying to get it right. I thought I needed others to look fondly upon me and what I had to offer. God wasn’t in His proper place in my life, I was first. My successes, my failures—was I good enough? Everything hinged on me. Meanwhile, the beautiful singer wasn’t moved by my flattery because he hadn’t placed himself first. He gave the praise to God, the One to whom he had humbled himself, the One he knew to be his source.

I still can’t say I don’t wrestle for first place sometimes. I do know, however, that Jesus is the One who belongs there and when I act and give and love acknowledging that, others might know Him too.

My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you.  John 15:12

Jesus told His disciples, Go into all the world and preach the gospel to all creation. The gospel is The Good News, the news that Jesus has delivered mankind from certain death to everlasting life. Those with willing hearts would listen and those whose hearts were hardened would reject them. In fact, all but one of the disciples were killed violently for preaching the gospel, for carrying the love of Jesus to others.

This is what preaching the gospel is, carrying love. There is no greater love than the sacrifice Jesus made on the cross. Maybe some don’t see that the debt for their wrongs needed to be paid. Or perhaps they believe that doing good deeds will make up for the bad ones. Or maybe they don’t feel that they have done anything wrong at all. They don’t ask for God’s grace because they have proudly given grace and honor to themselves.

It is uncomfortable for some to be presented with Jesus, to be shown that God loves them even though they are imperfect and sinful, even though they’ve done wrong. But it is Truth. I am sinful and I have done wrong and God loves me, He is my loving Father and He sent Jesus to pay for my sins. It is finished.  Jesus brings people to God, He breaks down all barriers and He does it, not with condemnation, but with love. Neither can I bring to anyone condemnation, only Jesus, only Truth, only love.

 He said to them, “Go into all the world and preach the gospel to all creation.” Mark 16:15

I asked God once to help me find the willingness to allow Him to work in my life and the strength to stop injecting myself into the lives of others. He answered me with this metaphor:

Imagine that I, God, am a Master Chef and I am in your kitchen teaching you a recipe. This is a recipe I created especially for you and I am the only One who can teach it to you. Now, imagine that I am also in the kitchens of your loved ones, teaching each one his or her own personalized recipe. Do you remember how you burst into your son’s kitchen and put out that grease fire? I was trying to teach him to do it himself. Remember when you entered his kitchen uninvited and added cumin and cayenne to the pot he was stirring? That was not chili. We were making caramel apples. You have continually interrupted the work I am doing with others whenever you feel uncomfortable or assume you know what’s best.  

And do you realize that every time you leave your kitchen to barge into someone else’s, I wait patiently there for your return, so we can continue working on you? You haven’t even mastered your own recipe or the workings of your own kitchen, how in the world do you assume to know what I am doing in the lives of others?

Are you willing to stop playing God and trust me to work in your loved ones’ lives?  They are also My beloved children.  Will you humbly come back and let Me work in yours?

For it is God who works in you to will and to act in order to fulfill his good purpose.  Philippians 2:13

One thing I’ve noticed in all my years of mothering sons is that Lego men are always ready for action.  They have these molded plastic hands that are always open and empty until a child snaps something into them.  That thing may be a sword, light saber, hammer, steering wheel, rope, but whatever it is, it is put there by the Lego man’s owner.  Until then, he just stands alert waiting for instruction.  I appreciate that, for I can only imagine the havoc a rogue, self-important Lego man could cause in a household.

Early on in my walks, I had my hands full.  I was juggling concerns and issues, always running them through my head, churning over what actions to take.  I told the Lord all the things I was thinking about and on the very first day of my walks, He spoke in my spirit. Your hands are empty until I put something in them. 

So I began opening my hands. I made them empty over and over again.  My fingers wanted to squeeze into tight fists, to carry my burdens around the park like suitcases. My hands didn’t ever want to let those burdens go, so I forcefully opened them wide and then relaxed them to swing loosely at my sides. With the sun behind me, I made my shadow hands resemble those of a Lego figure on the path before me.  My hands are empty until He puts something in them.

For me, open hands cue a quiet, faithful spirit. They wait for God’s prompting and then move, with His blessing, assurance and grace. There is no desperate grappling or grand show of the martyr, saint or victim. He fills, I respond, I wait with my hands open once more.

Instead, you ought to say, “If it is the Lord’s will, we will live and do this or that. As it is, you boast in your arrogant schemes. All such boasting is evil.”  James 4: 15-16

I went sailing once with a friend in the intercostal waters of New Jersey. Something went wrong and we ended up getting out in the shallow water and pulling the thing back to the dock. The whole experience was foreign to me, I knew nothing of boats of any sort, but I did know I wasn’t supposed to be in the water dragging it to shore.

But haven’t I dragged my boat around my whole life, searching for something to tie it to for security, love, acceptance, happiness, peace? Haven’t I wanted the things of life—career, relationships, home, self-help programs, religion, entertainment—to take me to a better place, a place even I have left largely undefined? If I tether my boat to every passing thing, hoping this will be the one that fulfills my expectations, I will never get to where God wants to take me.

There is peace in deciding, making a choice once and for all. There is profound, eternal peace when that decision is Jesus. Peter and Andrew were fishing by the shore and Jesus said to them, “Come, follow me and I will make you fishers of men.” They dropped their nets and followed Him. We have found the Messiah. Follow Him.

Let the peace of Christ rule in our hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful. Colossians 3:15

God intended for me a life of joy. In Genesis 1 and 2, there is a record of all that He created. Every single thing was good in His eyes. God created the heavens and earth, light, waters and land, plants and trees and fruit of all kinds, the sun, the moon and the stars to separate day from night and season from season and living creatures in the ocean and on the land. He made Adam and Eve according to His image and provided them with all these wonderful things He proclaimed as “good”. He even planted a beautiful garden for them with trees, both for food and for pleasure.

When I think of Eden, I can come to no other conclusion but that God loves His people down to the most minuscule detail and up beyond the stars. He wanted His children to enjoy Him and life. He wanted His children to behold His goodness and look to Him for every good thing.

As I walk in the park—the same park I walked in years before and saw nothing—I see God’s perfect, loving work everywhere. I have come to believe I need to return to Eden at least once a day to be reminded of God’s intentions for me and consider and enjoy His blessings and His great creation. He intended for me to live in harmony and joy in the garden and someday I will return to that love forever.

For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life. For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but in order that the world might be saved through him. John 3:16-17

Just months before I would receive my Bachelor of Science in Dietetics, I attended a convention in Indianapolis for registered dietitians. I was seeking to explore my future career, maybe get to know my people. Today, thirty years later, the only thing I remember from the day (weekend? week?) is skirt suits. There were skirt suits everywhere. I don’t remember a single lecture, display, person or room. Just skirt suits. I did learn something, but not from a presentation. I heard it in my gut, which announced: Sweetie, this is not your scene.

It wasn’t really about skirt suits. I had known the truth somewhere deep inside, long before the convention. The suits just caught my eye and, by the hundreds, waved a warning like a black flag at the Indy 500:  Proceed to the pit and speak to an official.

I wish I had stopped and listened to my heart, because the dream God put in me was there. I wish I had found my race before I went round so many more times. I can’t really win in a race I’m not even supposed to be a part of. I can’t serve God with jobs He never gave me to do. He set me here with a purpose. Everything else is just spinning my wheels–expensive wheels, on a fast, shiny impressive car that’s not even in the race.

When I walk with God, know His word and humble myself before Him. Daily He reveals my purpose and puts me on the right track.

As each one has received a gift, minister it to one another, as good stewards of the manifold grace of God. 1 Peter 4:10

Squirrels are the busiest things. Countless times on my walks, I’ve heard rustling in the woods and peered in expecting a deer or a human, only to find a squirrel zooming around, attending to business I know not of. I suppose they gather, consume, run here to there, up and down, dig, climb, build and chatter. And I suppose looking down from His throne, God might see me the same, only I imagine a squirrel’s time and energy is never wasted. I can’t say the same about my own.

What am I revealing about my faith in God when I scurry to acquire rather than let Him give, when I push to make things happen rather than watch Him work, when I think I am the only one for the job and so become my own god?

Walking these walks has grounded me in His Spirit and from that place, a fountain of freedom and abundance pours forth. It is my business only to live in it. The abundance Jesus died to provide me is not a one-time gift, it is a constant flow. I align myself with His loving blessings with my willingness and gratefulness and live free in His abundance.

The LORD will open the heavens, the storehouse of his bounty, to send rain on your land in season and to bless all the work of your hands. You will lend to many nations but will borrow from none.  Deuteronomy 28:12

I need Jesus.
I needed Him that night I walked in darkness carrying only a small vessel of possibility, following only a bright star of wonder, to find Him, my humble beginning of hope.

I needed Him that day I walked to the well alone, avoiding the eyes of others, thirsting for more.

I needed Him to raise His hand in the tumult of my storm, to graciously show me again who He is.

I needed Him to bring my dead to life, to bring me up off my place of abandon and despair.

I needed Him to come beside me along the mournful road where I thought all was lost and my hope was gone.

I needed my Friend as He suffered on the cross. I wanted His release and healing, but He was tending to mine.
I need Jesus.

Salvation is found in no one else, for there is no other name under heaven given to mankind by which we must be saved. Acts 4:12

There is a principle in the world of addiction recovery which explains how crucial it is for the loved ones of the afflicted to seek recovery and sanity for themselves. They may not realize the part they have been playing, however large or small, and if they don’t fix their end of the relationship, the negative cycle will continue.

How important it is for each person to have a sane, loving, merciful, nurturing place to rest. No judgment, no prodding, no antagonizing, no shaming. Only wise loving arms. Most people have a person or two whose arms feel safe and sound, but even so, they are human and fallible arms. So where to find the One who is never broken, never caught off guard, always ready to provide precisely what I need when I am falling apart and need restorative care?

God is waiting with secure, healing arms and boundless, merciful love. I have confidence that I can always fall back into Him and He will catch me. He also works through people, programs, churches—He can work through anything, anytime, but it is on Him I ultimately depend. People and constructs may fail in a moment, but God never does. He is never a broken place. Return to Him.

Yet does not one in a heap of ruins stretch out his hand, Or in his disaster therefore cry out for help?  Job 30:24