There is power in knowing God’s greatness. In His liberal flow of goodness, grace and mercy, I am strengthened and at peace.  The great I Am loves me dearly. There is no need to worry or concern myself with figuring and decoding, I need only trust and obey.

Several years ago, doctors discovered aneurysms in two arteries of my brain. The immediate order of business was to find a neurosurgeon—a good one. The first one handed me a pamphlet on aneurysm treatments and said, “Your decision”.

Then God guided me to Johns Hopkins. It was two states away but had an exceptional aneurysm clinic. They told me I would be seeing a world renown neurosurgeon. He met with me and my husband in his office high above Baltimore and provided me with everything I needed to make my decision. I left with absolutely no fear, doubts or questions. I put my trust in him, even knowing the risks and that I may not have perfect results. I could rest knowing that I was with the best.

This was a powerful crossroad in my life. I put my life in the hands of a master and accepted any and all changes his work in my life would create. There were some unexpected ill effects along the way, but my doctor healed my aneurysms. How much more will my God heal me? And what will the process of healing by His righteous hands look like? This is faith in the greatness and perfect healing of God.

Naaman’s servants went to him and said, “My father, if the prophet had told you to do some great thing, would you not have done it? How much more, then, when he tells you ‘Wash and be cleansed’!” 2 Kings 5:13

How does the mountain goat stand on a sheer rock face, a honeybee form a nest of waxy hexagonal cells? How do  plants find life in the blackest crevice of sea and earth? Creation is awesome and, to me, inconceivable.  God declares His nature in nature, executing the extraordinary before my eyes every day.  As I go along expecting the broad mundane, His hand works the intricate impossible.

If it were my burden to solve these puzzles, where would the bee nurse its pupae? How would the goat find sure footing? How could a stem find sustenance in an abyss? I have no answers, beyond what I see, beyond what God has made clear to me. It is He who is the great intellect, who designs the inconceivable.

I pray in my small place, holding my questions before Him. I used to believe that some things were just too complex for me to solve.  I’d leave those things at His feet and move quietly away in defeat. Now I know it isn’t for me to solve at all, it is for me to listen and follow Him in His ways, relinquishing my own.

God’s ways are always superior, beyond my imagination, experience and intelligence. Only He holds promise of extraordinary things.  I cannot predict the yet unknown turns and unfolding that the Creator of my world will work with His hands; I can only trust, acknowledge and behold.

And amazement seized them all, and they glorified God and were filled with awe, saying, “We have seen extraordinary things today.”   Luke 5:26

On this, my 220th day of walking in the park with God, I pondered self-discipline. I don’t know of any other worthy act I’ve done without fail for so many days in a row, aside from nursing my babies and caring for my children. It was devotion that bridled my faithfulness then and an ever-increasing devotion and faith which pulled my feet to this path each day.

God told me that He would be walking with me and that alone is sufficient. To say it was effortless would be stretching it but it was delightful and the highlight of my days. A few decisions I made on day 1 bolster my resolve and self-discipline.

I let go. I released my own plans and opened my mind and heart to Him. I follow where He leads.

I listen. God is always calling. He always has a word for me, whether it be in His written word or from the Holy Spirit within me. He wants a relationship with me, He speaks to me and I am listening.

I show up. I know that God works when I let go of my agenda, listen and wait for Him. When I show up each day let go and listen, I find Him lovingly, powerfully and consistently there beside me. In surrendering to God, aligning my will with His and being present with Him, I experience self-discipline in a fresh way. Not me alone, driving and straining but me with my Lord, following, abiding and serving.

So then, let us not be like others, who are asleep, but let us be awake and sober.       1 Thessalonians 5:6

God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble. (James 4:6b)

To be humble is to be unobtrusive. When I am humble, I do not interject myself in the efforts of others. I surrender, acknowledge, defer and submit to them. I stand aside and allow their work to shine. I yield.

Why then, when it comes to my salvation, do I sometimes set about working for the pardon and deliverance that Jesus has already accomplished? I have no ability to satisfy God’s standards. I cannot defend my acts, my sinful state or restore my soul to purity. No person can. The efforts of man will always fall short of the demands of God’s holiness.

God save me. I cannot save myself.

Alone, I am hopeless for redemption. Without Jesus, I am helpless to be reconciled with the holy and perfect God. But God is also merciful. He made a way for me to eternal life through His Son. For the sin of all mankind, Jesus’ sacrifice is enough. It is complete and freely offered. With humility, I abandon my efforts. I receive Him as my Savior and enter God’s kingdom with thanksgiving.  God saved me, because I could not save myself.

May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that by the power of the Holy Spirit you may abound in hope. Romans 15:13

 

Jesus has been in my heart for as long as I can remember. Until I was well into adulthood, however, I felt a certain failure in my Christian walk. I kept falling. I felt pulled in wrong directions even as my heart loved God. My walk was not always consistent and fruitful.

God blesses me with teachers when I am willing to receive them. He has made available to me His truth and His word.  It is incumbent on me to choose my teachers wisely with a sincere heart for God’s will and truth.

One of the greatest times of teaching in my life was a Bible study with several wonderful ladies who became an integral part of my life and my relationship with God. We met every Tuesday. We studied the Bible and books related to it. We shared our experience and knowledge with each other. We prayed and drew close to our Maker. Meeting with this group of friends and teachers was an indispensable foundation for my Christian faith and relationship with God.

Like a loving parent reaching a hand to a wobbling toddler, God is ever before me, providing sure ground for me with each step. I need to move forward carrying that faith He graciously ministers. I fix my eyes on His truth. I stand and step to Him, surely and eagerly to Him.

In fact, though by this time you ought to be teachers, you need someone to teach you the elementary truths of God’s word all over again. Hebrews 5:12

 

Six years ago two of my sons were headed to Philadelphia to see an outdoor concert. The band was playing at Laurel Hill Cemetery, a gorgeous 75 acre plot of stunning memorials, grave stones, mausoleums and statues, sitting high above Fairmont park and the winding river.

At the time, my son was deep in addiction. I was absolutely sick with the thought of him driving, so I insisted on going. We arrived early and explored the wondrous grounds at sunset.  A poignant photo of me remains. I am standing behind a memorial wall gazing with a broken heart at my beloved boy, thinking,  He is going to die. I am going to lose my son.

Fast forward, as they say, a handful of blessed years. My friend Kathy invited me to go on a walking tour of that historic cemetery.  The day was cold and raw, but I recalled that special place, and I love that special friend, so we went.   An hour into the tour, my phone received a text. It was two words from that beloved son: Five years.  Kathy smiled in celebration with me.  She had lovingly supported us through it all.

Suddenly I remembered the photo and told Kathy about that evening when my hope was setting with the sun.  There we stood, in that sprawling place, just yards away from the very wall.  She pulled me from the tour and pointed for me to stand in the spot as she took a new picture.  God’s mercy and love poured warmth and color into our stark winter.  He guides and keeps us; with Him, our way is never bleak.

Do not let your heart envy sinners, but always be zealous for the fear of the Lord. There is surely a future hope for you, and your hope will not be cut off.        Proverbs 23:17-18

When Hurricane Katrina hit the south I was profoundly moved. I sat on my kitchen stool for hours, staring at the horrible footage, aching to bring love to the enormous wound and the people there. It felt personal.

One day our associate pastor announced he was taking a van of supplies to Louisiana and looking for volunteers. I knew I had to be on that van, but I had responsibilities for my family. My youngest was three and I was still homeschooling my middle son. How could I leave? I subdued the concerns of my routine and listened to the voice within.

One fear persisted: the drive. It would be 1,200 miles driven only by the two members permitted to operate the church van.  Anxiety kept me alert both ways, watching and praying. At that season in my life, my prayers of thanksgiving often included bouquets of pink roses, I would imagine sending heavenward to God.  As we traveled the highways home after our mission, I calmed my fears with prayer, envisioning a sky-full of pink gratitude for Him upon our safe arrival to town.

We pulled into our last rest stop a couple hours from New Jersey.  The ladies room was empty. I entered the third stall and turned to shut the door. On the hook hung a bouquet of pink roses.  I mustn’t save up gratitude for earthly proof.   He is traveling with me always.

Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Philippians 4:5

Christ in every moment, every single moment. With Christ I am immersed in love, my trust deepens, I cannot fear, my perspective is holy aligned. A focus on Jesus is a glimpse of God’s sovereign design of love for me:
All-encompassing love.

Jesus rebuked Peter when he refused to focus on that sovereign design, “Get behind Me, Satan! You are an offense to Me, for you are not mindful of the things of God, but the things of men.” In this lost and anxious world, His children will only be found in His word, by His Spirit, in His love.

Jesus spoke God’s word and God’s truth. He did then and He does now through the Holy Spirit in His believers. Peter had heard with earthly ears, at that moment not tuned to the divine. What Jesus told Peter was God’s perfect plan to save the world by His own suffering. What Peter heard and fiercely opposed was Christs’ suffering.

But it was love that God was offering. Again and again, He offers love. He offered love to Peter and He offers love to me.  He died to love me in every moment, every single moment.

I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I now live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me. Galatians 2:20

One morning at the pond, two teenage boys arrived with fishing poles. I watched them from my bench, scrambling up and down the bank on the far side, eagerly inspecting the water. Their sights were set on “Big Yellow”. They chanted his name as they searched. Now, I don’t think it is legal to fish for koi in that pond, but I had to admire their passion and consider the things I have sought after with such zeal.

I like silver cuff bracelets. Every year I go to a certain fine art show to see an artist who makes an array of gorgeous cuffs. The fair is lavish with paintings, weavings, pottery, handcrafted instruments, and blown glass, but my sights are set on her silver. I can see nothing else until I visit her booth.  I know the thrill of the hunt but fishing and shopping are small things, yielding small rewards. Seeking God is all. There is no end to the bounty found in Him.

My grandfather spent his life studying God’s word and he loved to tell me of his love for it. The Bible is a good book, he’d say with a smile—emphasis on good.  So I read and I seek. I find Him, He loves me, I love Him. I find Him again, I love Him. He loves me more.

And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him. Hebrews 11:6

 

 

“Give me your tired, your poor,
 Your huddled masses yearning to breathe free, 
The wretched refuse of your teeming shore.
 Send these, the homeless, tempest-tossed to me,
 I lift my lamp beside the golden door!” ~Emma Lazarus

Sometimes the constraints of the world are so great. I long to be free but continue with my burdens until I reach a shore open and gentle enough to receive them. A benevolent country, a noble friend, a kind humble stranger, a caring group. Someone, somewhere opens arms or glances warmly and the straps on my back and weights on my mind loosen.

These are temporary, worldly moments, only echoes, reflections of the immense burden laid upon each one’s nascent glimmer of life. I was born wearing this onus of skin and bones, born with a burden of iniquity.  I have never known how to live while carrying it and I never will.

I see Him on the shore and the burden rolls to the depths. It was never mine, He removed it. My spirit is bouyant and remembers how to sail. He waits with open arms and I am free.  In Him I have always been free.

“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” Matthew 11:28-30