I need Jesus.
I needed Him that night I walked in darkness carrying only a small vessel of possibility, following only a bright star of wonder, to find Him, my humble beginning of hope.

I needed Him that day I walked to the well alone, avoiding the eyes of others, thirsting for more.

I needed Him to raise His hand in the tumult of my storm, to graciously show me again who He is.

I needed Him to bring my dead to life, to bring me up off my place of abandon and despair.

I needed Him to come beside me along the mournful road where I thought all was lost and my hope was gone.

I needed my Friend as He suffered on the cross. I wanted His release and healing, but He was tending to mine.
I need Jesus.

Salvation is found in no one else, for there is no other name under heaven given to mankind by which we must be saved. Acts 4:12

There is a principle in the world of addiction recovery which explains how crucial it is for the loved ones of the afflicted to seek recovery and sanity for themselves. They may not realize the part they have been playing, however large or small, and if they don’t fix their end of the relationship, the negative cycle will continue.

How important it is for each person to have a sane, loving, merciful, nurturing place to rest. No judgment, no prodding, no antagonizing, no shaming. Only wise loving arms. Most people have a person or two whose arms feel safe and sound, but even so, they are human and fallible arms. So where to find the One who is never broken, never caught off guard, always ready to provide precisely what I need when I am falling apart and need restorative care?

God is waiting with secure, healing arms and boundless, merciful love. I have confidence that I can always fall back into Him and He will catch me. He also works through people, programs, churches—He can work through anything, anytime, but it is on Him I ultimately depend. People and constructs may fail in a moment, but God never does. He is never a broken place. Return to Him.

Yet does not one in a heap of ruins stretch out his hand, Or in his disaster therefore cry out for help?  Job 30:24

A space for God and all that He provides and creates steadily grows in me. I walk and pray and meditate on Him and His word to nurture it. It is a space for knowing, direction, peace, solidity, love and joy. A lifeblood flows from it, His life and His blood, refreshing like the mist of an ocean crashing against a rocky bluff, a tide never receding.

I would wander the shore forever but that is impossible. So I must carry the lifeblood within me to carve out an ever-present space for Him. I wander other places, other grounds and other sands but keep the freedom of God’s promises fresh in my every step.

There are so many snares, and not just out there, but in here too. I have my own snares and tangles but when I bring the blood of Jesus to them, they loosen and release their false hold. What a beautiful moment when I am set free, again and again.

There is a reason I mustn’t get tangled in the mire. It is not my mire, it is His. God doesn’t ask me to solve the problems and fight the battles alone. He asks me to allow Him to do it—in me, through me, for His glory. Make a space in the mire for Him.

You were running a good race. Who cut in on you to keep you from obeying the truth? That kind of persuasion does not come from the one who calls you. Galatians 5:7-8

Imagine if God answered me each time I spoke to Him. Imagine if I could hear His words and delight in His voice. Imagine how He would calm me and satisfy my questions and quell my fears. I love to imagine it. How peaceful and simple my life would be to exchange words with God.

I heard my Lord’s voice once. I was distraught about my son. I can’t remember the reason that particular day, there were so many days. The pain came day after day and I had nervous breakdown after nervous breakdown. On this day, instead of gripping my Bible or writing pages of prayers, I gave up. I went to my room and collapsed on the bed. As the air left my lungs in defeat, I said, Lord, what happened to my boy? In that instant a voice bounced at me, bearing the slight note of a smile, He’s my boy. And then quieter, I just gave him to you to care for him. The voice was clear and strong but disappeared all at once, like a vapor. I have tried to recall it, but I can only remember its gift.  An immense burden rolled off my shoulders.  Comfort poured over me like warm oil. My illusion was lifted. God was in charge, all was in His hands.  He blessed me and I began to heal.

He is present and speaks to me in the Bible.  I read His words of comfort and guidance with faith in His great love and mercy.

I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace.  In this world you will have trouble.  But take heart!  I have overcome the world.  John 16:33

My family has made many road trips from our home in New Jersey to visit our relatives in Indiana. My husband and I share the driving and the inevitable chuckle as the weather traditionally turns nasty when I’m in the driver’s seat.  A battering downpour in Ohio once taught me a little about staying the course.

The rain wasn’t coming down, it was walloping, clobbering and bashing our van on all sides. Lightning struck continually all around us but provided no help for my eyes as I struggled to see the road. I could see no lines or lanes, only dull taillights before me, so I fixed my eyes on the blurry beacons.

We considered stopping on the shoulder but decided we would be in danger of other travelers also blinded by the storm. We considered taking an exit to get off the road completely but we would be lost, unable to even read road signs or see traffic lights. So we stayed on the course we knew to be right, even though it was miserable, slow, arduous and even dangerous. Eventually, the rain let up.

There is no reason to turn away from Jesus.  Stay the course with confidence.

But as for you, be strong and do not give up, for your work will be rewarded. 2 Chronicles 15:7

I can choose to see God or I can choose to see fear. Knowing the Almighty God, why should I fear? Knowing the Almighty God I humble myself in His power and might, His love and mercy.

When Jehosaphat, king of the tribe of Judah, heard that an army was approaching to attack his kingdom, he was afraid, but he did not scramble around and try to figure things out on his own, or stir up more fear. He immediately turned to the Lord.  He told all the people to fast in preparation, then he prayed.

Jehosaphat confessed God’s greatness, power and might, He praised Him for being the One who led them to the promised land and he asked God for help with the coming attack. We do not know what to do, but our eyes are on you, he said. God answered. He assured them that the battle was not theirs but His. He told them only to stand firm and watch Him work. They did and He did, victoriously.

This account in 2 Chronicles 20 gives me four important steps to remember when I am in fear:  1 Immediately seek the Lord.  2 Praise Him for His power and might.  3 Show up and stand firm. 4 Watch God work.

Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God so that at the proper time he may exalt you, casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you. 1 Peter 5:6-7

God made thousands of promises to His children in the Bible. He promises to love me, give me strength, redeem me, save me. He promises to give me peace, victory, abundance, wholeness, healing and mercy. The list is endless because God is without bounds. He will give me all that He has promised, my job is to stand in that truth.

It is through Jesus’ sacrifice on the cross that I have claim to God’s promises. As God gives privilege to His perfect, blameless son, He also gives to me. As Jesus is, so am I on earth. I have been reconciled to my heavenly Father and He provides for me, His child.

I can hear the dissent of the confused and forsaken. But why then…but how could…?
When Jesus saw His friends distraught over the death of Lazarus, He wept. He too was deeply touched by the pain of this world. But Jesus brought life to Lazarus and healing to his loved ones and though they saw death and pain here on this earth, they found salvation and restoration in Him. This is God’s promise. I will find salvation and restoration in Him.

For no matter how many promises God has made, they are “Yes” in Christ. And so through him the “Amen” is spoken by us to the glory of God. Now it is God who makes both us and you stand firm in Christ. He anointed us, set his seal of ownership on us, and put his Spirit in our hearts as a deposit, guaranteeing what is to come. 2 Corinthians 1:20-22

Jesus said, Let not your hearts be troubled. The word “let” seems to say I have a choice in the matter.  And I do. I have seen enough heartbreak to know that. I may be taken by surprise, I may be shocked and dismayed, but how I ultimately respond is my choice and vital to remaining in God.

If I choose to live with a broken heart rather than the whole, faithful heart God has given me, I will lose my way. When I am broken-hearted, I am double-minded. I entertain the possibility that there is no hope, that all is lost and forever broken. I question God. I thrust upon Him my anger and sadness and demand to know why He allowed this thing to hurt me so. Instead of taking His hand and seeking His face, saying, Lord, comfort me and lead me. Direct my steps, I want to remain in You, I stand arms crossed, embracing my pain, not seeking His will but asserting mine.

I believe the enemy uses pain to separate me from my loving Father, to give me an illusion of rejection and hopelessness. This is surely an illusion. God doesn’t reject me, so my hope abides in Him. To keep my heart intact and my mind in God, I remember that my life is ever in His hands. I am never broken in His healing hands. I offer Him my pain. Take what You will, Lord, and lead me through the rest. Help me to respond with faith, not brokenness. Help me to keep my mind on You. Thank you, Jesus, for healing me.

Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.            1 Corinthians 13:7

I love the skeletal trees of winter. All day I could linger in the park staring at the black lines revealed against the silent, funereal sky. The flourish long gone, winter moves in to reveal the secrets summer, spring and fall labored to canvas with color. Winter tells a story that few care to hear.

But I was listening. I reached for its cold hands. I traded my warm seclusion and went with courage and curiosity into the bleakness. The park was empty but for one or two other figures moving furtively along the paths and I treasured each step of the stark desolation.

The other seasons display. Winter reveals. What feels like victory in summer is only pomp. When circumstance changes, it cannot sustain. Autumn makes a strong showing but blows away like confetti after a parade, piling up in the streets to mold and rot.

In winter I saw not death but the very heart and bones which hold life.  And what I witness on earth is not life in the everlasting sort, but life waiting to graduate into the true splendor that is a heaven sustained by God the Creator and Father.

And the dust returns to the earth as it was, and the spirit returns to God who gave it. Ecclesiastes 12:7

This photograph was taken at the same time the Philadelphia Eagles were parading up Broad Street, celebrating their Super Bowl win. I wasn’t at the parade, I was wandering my quiet park, celebrating God’s creation.

That isn’t to say I wasn’t excited for the Eagles—I was delighted to see the team do so well! I don’t know much about football, but I was a fan of these guys and I even learned a little football watching them. I loved how they seemed to put their game in perspective. I loved how they celebrated God in their work. There was something special about this team, everyone saw it.

The perspective is God. The work is God. Holding God’s way in the forefront is the way. I have heard those in recovery from drugs and alcohol say that the things they put before their sobriety, they will eventually lose. Their recovery and sobriety always have to be in the forefront of their decisions or their affliction will overcome them and everything they have strived for will be lost. God needs to be before everything.  Anything I put before Him I will lose, it will fail. The stuff of this world, the temporal, is temporary. Only God and His plan wins.

Whether therefore ye eat, or drink, or whatsoever ye do, do all to the glory of God. 1 Corinthians 10:31