One morning I noticed planes flying in low circles above the park, waiting to land across the river in Philadelphia. I hadn’t noticed planes over the park before, but this day every time I looked up there was another one hanging in the sky, until a signal from the ground released it from its holding pattern. I watched as they floated there, the dangling mobile of metaphors for my life.

How many times have I suspended myself in mid-air for someone, something “out there” to give me the thumbs up before I could move? How many circles above a foggy destination have I made, insisting I know the conditions before I land? How much time squandered before I could come to rest in a firm place?

I end up in limbo when I measure myself against some standard I don’t even embrace. Something in me knows what is good and true, but I keep checking the atmospheric pressure instead of God’s well-defined flight plan. When I try to make my life fit into a mold that God didn’t created for me, I never land on the road He has.
I want to claim the abundant life Jesus died to give me. I will do today, and in this moment, what God has set before me. When I make the journey about Him, I can trust to arrive at the next stop with my bags and itinerary waiting.

And whatever you do in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through Him. Colossians 3:17

One day I heard the familiar call of the orange cat. The squirrel incident wasn’t the first time I’d met O.C., as I came to call him. I spied the handsome tiger cat walking in a field on my fourth walk and called him over to me. He rubbed along my ankles and I pet him a bit, but when I tried to read his tag, he dug his claws into my hand and sprung away wildly, leaving me bloody and confused. I walked on, O.C. meowing loudly behind me. No way, dude. Fool me once…

Well, I was fooled again. I learned from another early morning walker that O.C. hurt a park worker so badly he went to the ER! But here he was, meowing after me once more, and against my better judgment I stopped. Yes O.C., what do you want? Is this what I am here for, to dawdle with this cute little pest that hurts me and gives nothing good in return? And that’s when I noticed the image on his tag: a skull and crossbones. Apparently O.C. has a history.

Deciding not to be a part of his future, I turned to leave. Just then, a deer leapt from where it stood—right behind me—and disappeared into the brush. God has beautiful things planned for me. I mustn’t waste a moment chasing the wrong things, and miss His blessings and gifts.

Blessed is the one who does not walk in step with the wicked or stand in the way that sinners take or sit in the company of mockers, but whose delight is in the law of the Lord, and who meditates on his law day and night. That person is like a tree planted by streams of water, which yields its fruit in season and whose leaf does not wither—whatever they do prospers. Psalm 1:1-3

One day I saw a group of tiny ant hills built up on the side of the path like a miniature ancient cave dwelling. I stopped and looked down at it near the toe of my shoe and couldn’t help but wonder how long the thing would last. One bike tire, one ill-placed running shoe, one curious child and all of that intricate work would return to sand. And in less than one millisecond, God’s ants would be working again to rebuild the vision that He had imprinted inside of them.

Could I say the same about myself? No. Oh, there would be groaning and gnashing of teeth. I would need a week or three months or two years to work up the willingness and confidence to start again…pick up the grain of sand…so heavy…and find my humility. How could I be expected to respond in faith when my life could coming crashing down again, just like that fateful storm with the flooding rains?

God doesn’t ask me to mind the particulars. He doesn’t say, “Be loving if you’re sure others will be loving back.” He doesn’t ask me to give to the poor as long as I’m sure they will invest it wisely or help my neighbor bring in her groceries while negotiating that she’ll do the same for me next week. God is worthy of my trust and obedience. He cares for me, loves me beyond my wildest imagination and requires of me an obedience that will bring a harvest—exactly the one He provides.

I planted, Apollos watered, but God gave the increase.  1 Corinthians 3:6-7

My early walks with God were filled with my words. Looking back now I see this process was necessary for me. I had to pour out everything that was on my mind and in my heart and wedged in my bones. I was carrying a lot. I needed to give it to God and He was patient with me and accepted it all.

Soon I began to grow tired of myself. Listening to my own voice and the one in my head felt like a treadmill, same old uphill incline, same old scenery passing through my mind, same old outcome—an ego-centric pile of broken hopes and wishes and me standing in the middle of it asking God WHY? The picture I focused on was growing sour.

One day the Spirit moved in me. Meditate on Me. God is so good. He listened to me. He let me get it all out. And when the time came, He showed me that focusing on Him and His creation would fill me and heal me and draw us into the intimate relationship He wants with me. I began to refocus myself over and over as I walked. I’m sorry Lord. Let me meditate on You. And each time, God poured in.

Let my meditation be pleasing to Him; as for me, I shall be glad in the Lord.    Psalm 104:34

One day at the park there was an event at the amphitheater. A small crowd gathered out on the grassy slope and a line of busy food trucks hugged the perimeter. I could hear the music as I approached the scene. No where to run to baby, nowhere to hide…I was curious but hesitant to walk by and have a look. To my mind, this was something organized for other people, not me. I decided to slip away into the woods down a solitary path.

God spoke to me in my spirit. He told me that I belong. Simply, I belong. Because of the sacrifice Jesus made on the cross for me I have an all-inclusive passport to life. I may not be invited to every event and there are places my Lord doesn’t want me to go but in the great scheme of Creation, as a child of God, I belong.

I tried to imagine all my life could be if I held fast to this truth. I believe I allow my feelings to interfere with this. Feelings of inferiority, control, shame, apathy—any of these and more! The bottom line is that when I am walking in who God made me to be, lifting Him to the place where He should be in my life, my feelings can take a back seat and I can embody my sacred place as a child of the Most High God. Which means I am called to stand in the midst of a public park and this beautiful life God gave me with overflowing love, peace, joy and the assurance that I belong.

But you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, God’s special possession, that you may declare the praises of him who called you out of darkness into his wonderful light.  1 Peter 2:9

I showed up at the park to meet with God every day for a year. I didn’t wear anything in particular, I didn’t say any certain words, I wasn’t always chipper or fresh as a daisy upon my arrival. In fact, I walked for over a week with bronchitis, one of those days moaning in agony each step of the way. Still I was willing and eager to be with Him, praise Him and behold the world He created for me.

When I am willing to present and humble myself before The Creator of the Universe, He responds. Why wouldn’t He? What is more important than having a relationship with His child? If my children came to me each day with the willingness to be cherished and embraced, it would be the pleasure of my day. It would be my delight to love them, shepherd them and bless them in every conceivable way!

For if the willingness is there, the gift is acceptable according to what one has, not according to what he does not have.  2 Corinthians 8:12

There was a time I told God what I needed from Him in long written pages of prayer. I have a notebook filled with instructions I gave to The Creator of the Universe.

Later I learned that The Creator of the Universe knows exactly what He is doing, even when it comes to me. He knows the very best way for me to go, He knows exactly what He wants for my life, and He knows how to lead me there. I wonder what else I could possibly need.

Whatever God wants for me is my highest good. He loves me like no other. There is no path that compares with the one God has for me. My job is to acknowledge that every day, every moment. It may be rocky or steep or rainy yet it is perfect if He is guiding me through it. The destination will be as well, though rarely what I had expected or aimed for. It is beyond my imagination what God will do in my life if I let Him.

When I used to give my daily orders, I could not be at rest until I saw in my life exactly what I had demanded. Now when I pray and leave the outcome to Him, I can feel peace in that very moment and delight in the curiosity of what blessing He will bring to me.

Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in         Christ Jesus.  Philippians 4:6-7

In my year with God at the park, I walked through heat and humidity, snow, below-freezing temperatures, gentle mist, ice, three nor-easters, and wind that flipped my umbrella inside out. The weather was different each day but there was something to be loved in all of it. On some bitter cold walks, though, I did savor the thought of sun on my bare arms, for I had no doubt that spring was coming.

That is the way of God’s seasons. Like Friday at the end of a hard week, each one arrives as a welcome relief to the one before it and brings with it a new gift. A toe dipping into a deep blue lake. The first orangey sassafras leaf dropping onto my green lawn, an invitation to all the rest. A great sycamore skeleton pointing at the flat, white sky. A young bird finding its balance on a budding dogwood. Seasons and storms begin and end, both bringing fresh wind from places we have never been.

Storms are part of the ecosystem of my life. So I batten down the hatches. Dry my clothes by the fire. Pray. Bring in the dog. Gather at the table for board games. Make hot chocolate, the homemade kind. And step out on the porch often to find the silver lining. It will be there. That’s how it works.

He still the storm to a whisper; the waves of the sea were hushed. They were glad when it grew calm, and he guided them to their desired haven.                              Psalm 107:29-30

When the days are swimming along easily and my worries are few, I may grow more confident in my own power and lean less on His. “Carefree” can turn into “careless” and soon I’ve lost the awareness of how essential God is in every moment of every day.

Though I still love God and know His truths, I may reach out to Him less, fail to worship Him and cease to feel the Holy Spirit’s gentle nudging within my spirit. How quickly I can forget that I need God in every breath, for everything.

Then is it any wonder that I wind up in an uncomfortable place, on my knees, asking for forgiveness, begging for clarity and council, wanting God to help me make sense of the mess?

God meets me right there, again and again. My loving Father has great understanding and welcomes me back into His arms. He tells me how to stay safely there and I listen once more.

It is good for me that I was afflicted, that I might learn your statutes. The law of your mouth is better than thousands of gold and silver pieces.                              Psalm 119:71-72

I stepped out of my car one morning at the park and heard the loud, fretful meowing of a cat. The sound seemed to be coming from a far-off tree, but all I could see was a frantic squirrel running circles around the trunk. Is that squirrel meowing like a cat?!

Soon I could see a cat, perched high on a branch, looking desperate. I stood under the tree and asked the orange one what he was doing up there. To my surprise, he sprung into the air toward me, as if my words unlocked his courage to jump. How long would he have stayed cornered by the angry squirrel, if I hadn’t been curious to investigate his bawling?

It is my delight to hear my Creator and be aligned with His plan, but how do I always know it is He who is speaking to me? God answered me in my spirit.  When I am not sure of the voice I hear or the move I should make, I keep walking along with God, wait in faith and God will lead me to the place where it becomes clear. I may see or hear confusing things along the way, but I keep trust in Him, His purpose and plan will come into perfect view.

Beloved, do not believe every spirit, but test the spirits to see whether they are from God, for many false prophets have gone out into the world.     1 John 4:1