My mother used to say that I never walked anywhere I could run. I like to move quickly. Why take my time if I can do it lickety-split? Isn’t that what it’s all about, running around and getting things done? The faster I do this, the more time I’ll have later to do that?

At the age of 46, I had major abdominal surgery and for the first time in my life I had to move very slowly. I had to take one stair at a time and even reach for the remote in slow motion. In all things, in every moment, I had to acknowledge my fragile condition so that healing could take place.

Sometimes when I’m lunging up the stairs two at a time, I remember the month I took at a snail’s pace. I may not be in a vulnerable physical condition today but I am always weak compared to the Creator of the Universe. It is always the right time to humble myself and allow God’s work to take place in my day. He is strong where I am weak.  How will I benefit from God moving in my life if I don’t stop racing against Him and His perfect plan with all of mine?

The more I experience the way God works in my life, the more I want Him to. When I acknowledge Him throughout my day, I make room for Him to give me good things.

Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your Heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? Matt 6:26

One morning I decided not to walk before work. I thought I’d have plenty of time afterwards, but my hours always varied according to the daily workload. This particular day I was given the longest list I’d ever had which included intricately wiring stems of orchids onto 8 huge vases of curly willow branches.

I always enjoyed giving my all at work, but this day just wouldn’t end. My eyes were brimming with tears as it grew dark and I realized I wasn’t going to make it to the park for my walk with God. I talked to Him about it as I fumbled with the orchids on my knees. He spoke to me in my spirit and assured me that no amount of interruptions or delay would cause Him to give up on me. We would have our walk, whenever I had completed my work—even if it was midnight.

God and I met on the dark streets of my neighborhood that night. The parks were closed and it no longer mattered where, just that I found my way to Him.  Isn’t that true? I have had many delays, obstacles and stumbling blocks on my way to God’s arms but He knew I was coming and He was there waiting. He always is.

The Lord is not slow in keeping His promise, as some understand slowness. Instead, He is patient with you, not wanting anyone to perish but everyone to come to repentance. 2 Peter 3:9

Shadrach, Meschach, and Abednego were three Hebrew men who had been appointed to a high office by King Nebuchadnezzar. The king had made a golden idol and commanded everyone to bow to it. When Shadrach, Meschach and Abednego refused, the king threatened to throw them into a fiery furnace. They knew that God would be with them and did not fear or back down.

“If we are thrown into the blazing furnace, the God we serve is able to deliver us from it, and he will deliver us from Your Majesty’s hand. But even if he does not, we want you to know, Your Majesty, that we will not serve your gods or worship the image of gold you have set up.”

King Nebuchadnezzar had them thrown into the fire, but when he looked into the furnace, he saw four figures, one an angel, standing there untouched by the flames. The king released them and proclaimed that their God be worshipped.

This is how I want to live my life. I want to choose God without fail and rest in His protection without fear. This story in Daniel reminds me that God expects obedience from me but He doesn’t ever leave me alone. He is with me always, He has His angels protect me. He holds me up with His right hand. I do not need to fear.

Though I walk in the midst of trouble, you preserve my life. You stretch out your hand against the anger of my foes; with your right hand you save me. Psalm 138:7

Only one of Jesus’ disciples was at the cross when He was crucified. Where were the others? There is a lot of speculation. They were afraid, they still didn’t understand what Jesus was doing, they didn’t believe. Even having spent time on earth in the presence of Jesus, watching and learning from Him, they were still like me.

Now I understand and believe what Jesus did for me, but would I have been aware of this profound truth as it was happening? I hope I would be like John or Mary and Mary Magdalene at the foot of the cross in love and worship. But I don’t know. Am I at the cross today, all day, every day?

I’ve been getting closer and staying longer. In my younger years, the cross was far off. I could see the cross and Jesus on it, but I wasn’t sure what that meant for me. Soon I began speaking to Him, but not at the cross. I preferred to speak with Him like a friend who could love and help me. Then, the rough times. I took a closer look at His sacrifice and asked, “What does this mean for me, Lord?” I walked away and back, each time drawing closer as He showed me His grace and mercy and how He wanted to bless me.

And now I linger long hours at the park in joyous gratitude for His sacrifice and love for me.  I ask now, “What would you have me do for you, Lord?”

Then Jesus said to this disciples, “If anyone wishes to come after Me, he must deny himself, and take up his cross and follow Me.” Matt 16:24-26

Where in the Bible does God say that I need to do everything by myself, with my own strength and knowledge and stamina? Ye shall figure it out alone and probably fail. Nowhere. Not a verse. Instead, God tells me to depend on Him for everything!

One of my favorite verses is Proverbs 3:5-6: Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight. In all of my ways I am to submit to the Lord and He will move in my life and guide me according to His plan.

I am only to be in obedience to Him and submit to Him, staying close to Him in all things. God handles the rest. He will provide and I will accept and abide and continue to live in deference and reverence to Him, allowing Him more and more room in my hours and moments. My life will become less complicated, more free and more beautiful.

Depending on God doesn’t mean I don’t have work to do. It means that my work and His work become more clearly defined. I learn to move, not apart from God but with God.

For He will command His angels concerning you to guard you in all your ways. Psalm 91:11

 

 

One day at the park, I stopped to watch three children joyfully climb up on the empty stage of the amphitheater. Delighted to have the whole thing to themselves, they huddled together to prepare an impromptu show for their dad, who laid back on the grass to watch them.

With grins across their faces, they began the performance. Just then another group of children came over the hill and made a beeline for the stage. A raucous and garrulous group, they had no idea what was unfolding and didn’t seem to care. As they commandeered the stage, the first three kids immediately shrunk back to the edge and watched them.

Their moment in the spotlight was over. They relinquished it to a louder voice. I thought about the many times I’ve done the same in my life. How many of those were works of the enemy interjecting some fearful thought or threat into my mind to which I unwittingly deferred?

Listening for the Holy Spirit’s voice within attunes me to the direction God wants me to go. It continually bolsters me to be who God made me to be and to perform the work of my heart—the work God put in me to do.

The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have life and have it abundantly. John 10:10

The world isn’t meant to work without God. Sure, He has put a design in me and in everyone, but it will eventually go awry without Him.

I worked in a floral design studio once. I had been praying for a job, feeling no direction, when a friend called and told me about an opening. I had never done floral design; like art, it intimidated me a bit. I jumped at the job.

After a few months of training, I was given my own list. Hundreds of arrangements were created in the studio every day and designing them were some true artists. Their arrangements had a certain brilliance mine didn’t seem to have. I loved the job but I struggled.

One day I confessed quietly, “Floral design does not come naturally to me.” An answer bounced back at me in my spirit, “Then let it come supernaturally!” From then on, I included God in every bud vase, bouquet and submerged orchid.

I didn’t stay at the studio long. I appreciated the experience but I realized I needed to do what does come naturally for me—writing. In this also, I try to become the cloud thru which God moves, to embrace work as more than just than a vase of flowers or a book of printed paper, but to hold God in each petal and page, yielding to His perfect plan. 

Unless the Lord builds the house, those who build it labor in vain.                       Psalm 127:1

Sometimes I feel like I’m not enough.  I speak to myself harshly with humiliating, critical commentary. Sometimes I feel I need to be more and end up creating a worse situation or simply making a fool of myself.

This can lead to a depressing place in my mind. I start to believe that I am a failure and have no hope of ever doing anything well. I may retreat and hide and give up for a while. There is no reason for this chain of events because God is with me.

The other day a member of my family misplaced something important. He was fuming around the house, filled with anxiety. I have felt this many times, along with anger at myself for letting it happen. This time I prayed. I asked God to help and then I just began meandering around, going where the Spirit led. In a matter of moments, I found the thing on a lawn chair in the yard. It feels wonderful to allow God to show me a peaceful way instead of relinquishing my grace and dignity.

God provides me breath and peace in my spirit. The Holy Spirit quietly guides me and is alive in me filling me with assurance. I can take steps slowly and calmly knowing that God is directing all that’s around me—even if it looks like sheer chaos. God gives me exactly the right attitude, exactly the sufficient grace.

Do you not know that you are a temple of God and that the Spirit of God dwells in you? 1 Corinthians 3:16-17

I used to doubt God’s plans. I wondered if maybe my ideas were better than the ones God had for me. Or perhaps I just couldn’t imagine that God had plans for me at all. Perhaps He was just silently watching me, grading me as I figured things out. Or didn’t.

No. He would not give me life and leave me alone to figure it out, any more than I would do that to my own child. In everything, God provides a framework and order — in a clam, in a hurricane and in a stratum of earth.  And He put one in me.

His word shows me how to have a relationship with my Father so I can glorify Him by using His wonderful order and gifts to His delight—and mine! He has plans for me and I can align my life to those plans and create within them!

There is freedom in God’s order. He doesn’t need me to redo what He’s already done. I believe He wants me to express my love for Him and this life He’s given me by valuing my talents and gifts and using them to create more beauty and goodness around me. Celebrating what God has intended and provided for me will always lead to a surprise harvest of more blessings.

For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus, to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do. Ephesians 2:10

I have looked for love my whole life. When I got it, I sometimes didn’t know what to do with it. I didn’t know how to fully except it. Or give it. Something stood in the way.

I don’t feel that way in my relationship with the Creator of the Universe. I don’t have to worry about being too selfish with His love, He has an eternal flow. I don’t have to worry about giving it back to Him perfectly, He is forgiving and patient.

In fact, nothing stands in the way of my experiencing love with others either. If I fail to experience or give love, it is because I have failed to include God in the relationship or circumstance. It is the presence of God that brings the love.

Instead of insisting that love comes into my life exactly how I assume it should, I am learning to widen my love gates. On these walks, it is a fragrant wooded path . A finely crafted young turtle at my foot. Migrating geese sliding en masse across a pond before me. A message written in chalk proclaiming God’s love. A storm of snow.
What God’s hands have created has been formed for me. Beholding that with every step, I accept and am refreshed by an ultimate love.

And so we know and rely on the love God has for us. God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in them. 1 John 4:16